Sometimes I Pray.
Sometimes I Pray.
Prayer is defined simply as communication with God or another deity. Moments frequently come where answers or solutions to a myriad of needs or wants call for divine intervention.
HOPE
We all feed on hope, consciously or subconsciously. Potential failures, disappointments etc soon become a part of our thought process when we anticipate the future. The fear of failure creates some sort of panic and we reach out to the higher being we were raised to fear asking for intervention and guidance. When we are successful with our missions we return all glory, praise and honor to God. This invisible and inexplicable source of hope and faith is what drives us towards persistently trying and championing fear over and over again, because we are raised to have minimal or no trust at all in our own abilities.
WHY I PRAY.
Prayer is, at root, simply paying attention to God (p. 121).
I was raised just like most people south of the Sahara to fear the Lord, fear your parents, authority and/or elders for they are next to God and in return it was promised that you would prosper. I tried to the best of my abilities to adhere to everything that my parents, elders and most authority asked of me and still was unhappy, unfulfilled and angry. Don’t get me wrong, I had moments of immense joy and contentment and moments of absolute emptiness and sadness as well, and I still do. The difference is I have now learned that the yin and yang is non negotiable. The good and bad times are consistent whether you respect or disrespect a higher authority. It just is the way of life. I still respect the sacrifices that my parents and several people have made to help me attain certain milestones like attaining a good education, living a moderately comfortable life but most importantly for me, paving way for me to grow a certain wisdom from observing and learning from their mistakes. I will certainly have several of my own but I move forward with the knowledge that after observing certain persistent trends, the probability of a negative outcome is easily predictable. What I have learned from this persistent cycle of failure and success regardless of what train of authority is followed (Religion, cultural inclination, society norms etc) is that certain outcomes are predictable and wisdom comes from knowing when to take the risk and when to hold back or re-strategise. As I formulated my own independent adult thinking and made sole decisions derived from my own learnings, I was mostly chastised and ostracised for it because I was shaking up the order.
And so I moved away from the balanced order that authority had set up and went out to find and/or create my own.
I pray because in retrospect, a lot of the choices I have made have gone against any personally relevant precedents before me, in-fact, there were almost no relatable precedents to statistically back up a lot of the choices I made. I took my chances knowing not what the possible outcomes would be but driven by nothing but the sheer will and conviction that I had to take those steps. A lot of times I could and still cannot fully explain where the conviction to do things in my own unique way come from, and so I reach out to the source of life, of energy, of hope, of continuity, of movement, OF LIFE and say, I trust you, please guide me on how to do the right thing.
BALANCE
“In a world that is really upside down, the true is a moment of the false.”
In as much as you work towards doing the right thing and attaining approval, also challenge expectations every once in a while and surprise not only yourself but those that are observing you. Some observers will predict doom and failure, others will predict success; their predictions might come from a place of sheer intrigue an suspense because we are a society of a spectacle — watching and observing others either makes us feel inferior or superior depending on what, when and how we observe; or their predictions might come from what they want or do not want from their association with you, your failure might make their choices appear as wins or your win might make them feel better about their choice to bet on you; or sometimes, they are people who genuinely care and want the best for you. Keep the latter very close, because when you hit the dark waves and lose balance, sometimes a shoutout from someone that believes you are a ma-f***in conquerer is all that will keep you going.
Ultimately though, what most people think or predict of your choices is none of your business. It can be a massive distraction/destruction and you need to cultivate the insight to know what matters towards attaining the serenity that comes with being content with winning, losing, or letting go of whatever tries to weigh you down and set you up for failure.
Ultimately, invest in being in touch with yourself to understand what choices matter, and why they does. And when there are absolutely no answers, remember to surrender to the sheer will within you, the life force and energy that sustains you, or as modern religion refers to it, surrender to the will of God.
